The Garrump

By Adam Wallace

A long, long, time ago,
When monsters roamed, to and fro,
Breathing fire and melting snow,
The Garrump reigned supreme.

He was green, and red, and blue, and purple,
He had fangs on his arms and spikes on his nurple,
But most fearsome was his pointed sturple,
It was this the monsters feared.

It had jagged teeth from beginning to end,
It could curve around curves, and bend 'round a bend,
To monster heaven it would send,
All who defied the Garrump.

He was a mighty beast, a beast of might,
You see, monsters never screamed in fright,
But when the Garrump was in full flight,
All the monsters screamed.

He fed on flesh, and blood, and bone,
But he had no company, except his own,
And when he slept, he slept alone,
For the Garrump had no friends.

He'd had no friends for many a year,
Not since he'd learned the power of fear,
That happened in his seventh year,
And since then, he'd been alone.

He dreamed at night, of play, and fun,
Of getting some friends, to go for a run,
Surely it was better with many, not one,
But the Garrump, he was just one.

He bullied and threatened, to get his way,
And he'd gotten his way for many a day,
Other monsters would bow, and then run away,
Once they'd done as they were ordered.

"Bring me food, or you will die,
Or better yet, I'll poke out your eye,
There are none that are more fearsome than I!"
The Garrump would scream and shout.

"Rub my back, you puny beast,
Massage it while I eat my feast.
NO! Not there! Rub further East"
And the monsters did as they were told.
Then one day, I remember it clearly,
Everything changed, not totally, but nearly,
The Garrump was eating a feathered Whackeely,
When he saw the Azerdeen.

Not a mighty beast, not a beast of might,
Barely one metre tall, with fur quite bright,
It saw badly at day, and even worse at night,
The little Azerdeen.

The Garrump watched the Azerdeen walk by,
He watched, and munched on some Whackeely thigh,
He could squash that thing like a little fly,
But it would be better as his slave.

So he watched the Azerdeen, did the Garrump,
Watched him walk into a tree, and trip over a bump,
Then straight over a sleeping Slothalump,
Before he made his move.

"Little beast," he growled, "Lend me your ear,
Tremble in fright, and cower in fear,
H-Hey! You're looking the wrong way! I'm over here.
Come here and come here now!"

The Azerdeen heard the voice, but he couldn't see,
Just who it was that was yelling at he,
So he turned and bowed to the nearest tree,
And said, "It's a pleasure to meet you, Sir."

He shook hands with a branch, then sat on the ground,
He waited in silence, and then he frowned,
"Go on, good Sir, elaborate, expound."
But the tree, the tree said nothing.

The Garrump couldn't believe what he'd just seen,
Never before had he ever been,
Ignored like this, he was just too mean,
And now he was mad as well.

He stomped over to where the Azerdeen sat,
And roared, "Look here, you little gnat,
No-one has ever ignored me like that,
Now face me, or you will die."

The Azerdeen was in a bit of a muddle,
He'd made a mistake, now he was in trouble,
So he turned and gave a rock a cuddle,
And apologised to it as well.

"I'm so sorry Sir, but I did not,
Mean to get your knickers, all in a knot,
I see badly, you know, jolly good, what,
My, you are cold and hard."

The Garrump turned red where he used to be blue,
His anger grew and Grew and GREW,
Just how would he get this creature to do,
Exactly as he ordered?

Yelling hadn't worked, he'd played that ace,
So what would put him in his place?
Aha, he'd scare him, by pulling a face,
And then he'd scare him some more.

The Garrump spun around the Azerdeen,
Then pulled a face so scary and mean,
Scarier than you've ever seen,
But the Azerdeen just smiled.

The Garrump went into overdrive,
And pulled the scariest face alive,
And then he pulled another five,
Before collapsing in exhaustion.

He gathered his breath, and stood back up,
Tried to give the Azerdeen a mighty whup,
But the Azerdeen bent, to pick a coin up,
And the whup was well off target.

The Garrump cried out in disbelief,
This creature was causing him endless grief,
"Please will you give me some relief?"
He begged as he dropped to his knees.

"Relief, good Sir, is that what you need?
Well you asked so nicely that I must take heed,
Please go in front of me so I may knead,
And give you a little massage."

The Garrump looked up, a tear in his eye,
Maybe this was how he should try and get by,
If he changed and became a pretty good guy,
He might even have some friends.

As he was massaged, the thought took hold,
For such a big change he would have to be bold,
But he knew that he would hate to be old,
And lonely, with no friends.

So since that day, things have changed, as I said,
The Garrump no longer yells, and goes off his head,
Although sometimes his blue bits start to turn red,
When something makes him mad.

But instead of yelling, or killing, or worse,
As he used to do, for many a verse,
Sending monsters off in the monster hearse,
He shuts his eyes, and counts to ten.

He runs with other monsters, just like in his dreams,
He plays monster volleyball, for one of the teams,
And his sturple is superb, or so it seems,
When it comes to chopping firewood.

As for the Azerdeen, well, after that day,
He simply left, went on his way,
And as he walked he was heard to say,
Farewell to a rock, and a tree.

© Adam Wallace 2002

"The reward for work well done is the opportunity to do more."
- Jonas Salk